In all honesty, this is the story of a young black woman trying to figure out this thing that we call life. Loving herself. Discovering her inner light. Learning to live in her truth. Giving herself permission to take up space. Believing in herself.

I choose my narrative. On some days, I am  Solange on other days I am more like Beyoncé, but in every moment I am enjoying the journey.

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Boss Up! by learning to be more selfish.

Boss Up! by learning to be more selfish.

For a majority of my life, I was the definition of selfless. I was always doing for others with the expectation of nothing in return. Need a ride? Call Tiff. Need money? Call Tiff. Your boyfriend breaks up with you at 2 AM in a drunken fit? Call Tiff for comfort.

You can check out my full story here, but it was something ingrained since birth. The women in my family always gave their last. The world smiled upon them and they would often hear phrases like “God is going to bless you”, but I saw the other side of God’s blessing. It was filled with the hurt, anxiety, and the strain that a lack of appreciation does on your mental health.

On a random car ride, my brother gave me a message that would change how I looked at my selfless ways. He said,

The most selfish thing you can do is take care of others, but the most selfless thing you can do is take care of yourself.

That short phrase opened me up to the beauty of being selfish. When I began to say no and allowed myself the space to be selfish, I was better able to love those around me. So here is what I need all the selfless men and women in my life to know….

Understand that is okay to be selfish: I was taught as a kid that God loves a giving heart, but we take that sentiment a little too far. We must learn that life is about GIVE and TAKE. It is totally okay to take time to love and appreciate YOU! When we allow ourselves to replenish, we place ourselves in a better position. I want you to say this mantra 3x.

 

“I am valuable to the people in my life. I am giving to myself so that I can better give to others in the future.”

 

Set Expectations: One of my biggest problems? I had high expectations for myself, but none for those around me. I gave without expecting anything back, but what I now realize is that people in your life who love you and care about you will see how much you give and will step in to help, simply because they love you. There will be no need to ask or beg. They will see your selfless nature and want to pour into you.

Weigh Your Options: So, take a pen and write this down, because I want you to remember this right here. YOU ALWAYS HAVE OPTIONS. Before you commit to any situation, weigh your options and make the best decision for YOU. I did a lot of things in relationships and friendships that didn't suit me. I let others make decisions in my life for me. Everything was divine in the end, but next time I am avoiding all. We only have one life to live. Don’t die having regrets! Let’s be sure it is our best life.

Any who with all that said, go be a selfish boo!

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You are a dope person! Start acting like it!

You are a dope person! Start acting like it!

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