"I feel it happening. I stop showering. I eat less. I feel the weight of the world on my back. I crawl into bed, naked, shaking in the fetal position. I scream out MAKE IT STOP for hours until I lose my voice and fall asleep.
This is my life, black, woman, depressed. I have a pile of excuses: migraines, period cramps, flu, muscle pain...anything to explain why I can’t come to class. They can’t know that I, the only black woman in the department, is depressed.
I live with PTSD and depression. My life spiraled out of control 5 years ago, after a family member forced me to abort my first child. Its been a rough ride, and there have been countless suicidal thoughts and sometimes even suicide attempts that have landed me in the ER. The best thing that happened to me was realizing that I needed medical help. I take anti-depressants now and my life has been improving for the better.
As a black woman, you will constantly hear about how you need to just “stay positive” or “pray it away”—believe me, its all bullsh*t. When my family found out I was taking anti-depressants they obviously thought I was a drug addict, and they can think whatever they want, what’s most important is how I feel.
That is my message to any sister reading this today. Don’t let people who don’t understand your pain tell you how to deal with it, you are NOT weak for seeking medical help, you are human and I promise you will be happier on the other side. There are days when you will feel like you won't make it, I have those ALL the time, but you are NOT alone, I don't know you, but I love you and you will make it!